Monday, September 14, 2009

Rollercoaster

What kind of person starts a blog and then doesn’t bother to update it for weeks?

Things have been crazy around here lately. Hubby was off work on stress leave; basically he’s burnt out, and now has to go about making changes to the lifestyle that caused it in the first place. That’s over-summarising a little bit, but I guess we’re still working it out. My initial reaction was to take on everything and not let him do anything, including confiscating his cellphone so I could screen his calls. I pretty soon came to realise that was going to drive both of us crazy, so we’ve had to learn to communicate better about what works for both of us, even though we thought we were pretty good at that.

Study was pretty much put on hold for a few weeks, which was really very stressful. I’m in the last part of the semester now, so not having the time to work and having to ask for extensions on a couple of assignments was so irritating, but I had to do it. I’ve only today managed to get back on top of things. Sent off a huge assignment today, 22 pages, 6676 words huge. The due date was today and it was an electronic submission, so unbelievably I made it on time. Now I just have two more to go and I’m done for the year! Yay!

My little girl, my baby, who was only just born, has her first school visit tomorrow. I don’t want her to turn 5 or go to school, but nobody really cares what I want, and I think that’s very selfish of them. She’s MY baby and I shouldn’t have to share her!

I’ve resorted to having fantasy conversations:

Me: My little girl’s about to start school.

Teacher: And how do you feel about that?

Me: It sucks. I don’t want her to grow up yet.

Teacher: Then she shouldn’t. We’ll put it off for another 5 years to allow for your perfectly reasonable and rational response. After all, she’s perfectly fine at home with you.

Me: Thanks. See you in 5 years.

Teacher: Only if you’re ready. If not, we’ll delay it again until you are.

Of course, this fantasy conversation doesn’t leave room for Princess’s voice, which I imagine would be something ranging between a shrill squeal of anguish and a violent angry protest. She wants to go to school. She’s been ready for months, and can’t wait to finally start. Nearly all her friends have gone on before her and she feels very excited about joining them. But she’s my baby!

There is a sense that I’m about to enter a new chapter of my life, and I guess when you do, something else has to end. And I know that a few weeks into it I’ll probably be lapping up the 6 hours a day I have to do what I need to do, and the fact that for the first time in 11 years I’ll be able to clean the house and it will stay that way all day, and not having to watch Hi-5 and Dora the Explorer every afternoon will be a huge bonus too, since I’m pretty sure that either Dora or Charlie from Hi-5 could be the one to push me over the edge one day, but at the moment, every day, I’m having these moments of gut-wrenching nausea at the thought of sending my youngest off to school every day. And now the cat is pregnant, so there’s a chance I might actually be sitting at home becoming the crazy cat lady. And when the mormons come, I might let them in just for someone to talk to. Or I might burble incoherently and throw a cat at them.

Or I might actually get to write something that’s worth sending to a publisher, or get my Christmas shopping done before Christmas Eve.

It’s a rollercoaster I tell ya.

4 comments:

  1. Welcome back!! I was so excited to see you had updated your blog!
    And you totally cracked me up :) - Always a good start.
    Love the image of you throwing a cat at the Mormons ( sorry to the Mormans.. it could just as easily be the greenpeace guys....)lol. I think you SHOULD do that, it'll make a fabulous blog entry.
    And I can totally relate to you about your baby going to school. That is harsh. Thats when you need to find a bloody cafe, make friends with the staff, and go there to recover every day for the first few months of school. ( my 2cents worth..) lol
    Megs xxxx

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  2. Yay! great to see you back! I was wondering if you were ever gonna post again. Hope the husband gets back on track soon.
    So many friends are entering this "all the kids off to school" stage...weird. My good friend sent her last off today. She's feeling much the same as you.big cyber hugs.
    peed myself at the cat part :)

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  3. There is an award for you over at my blog xxxx ( if you are into that kind of thing :) )

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  4. Thanx babe! I don't really know what to do, but I appreciate the mention. I'll try and figure it out...

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